This Drifting Excrement Was Way Too Symbolic! It's the Television Disappointments of the Past Year.

As we consider the television offerings of the recent year, a handful of series emerge not for their excellence, but for their notable shortcomings. Ranging from awkward spin-offs to bafflingly bad documentaries, here are the productions that left us scratching our heads or just reaching for the remote.

The 'Sex and the City' Sequel

How to start with this love/hate follow-up? Burdened with woeful scripts, cringe-inducing arcs (justice for Miranda!), and a mere 71 seconds of fan-favourite Samantha, the series struggled to justify its existence. For a moment, as the final series started, it seemed as if it had at last found its groove. Then arrived an installment centered on Seema’s natural deodorant. Little surprise the showrunner announced this would be the final season. It ended on a low point; the closeup of Miranda’s loo flooded with poo was just way too on-the-nose. Yet, viewers undeniably found joy dissecting every single “wtf?” moment. And as Carrie – a single woman once more – twirled around her palatial townhouse to Barry White, who didn’t let out a little sob?

The Kim Kardashian Drama

‘Can Kim Kardashian act? The answer is a resounding no.’

But that was almost the least of this show's issues. The recipient of a very rare zero star assessment, it was difficult to know where to start enumerating the problems. The hilariously wooden dialogue? The tedious veneration of affluence and consumption? The seemingly wilful parade of tropes? Acting so poor they felt borderline malicious? Let’s just say “each and every one” and never speak of this show again. Except, a new season has been commissioned, so we’re probably going to have to.

AKA Charlie Sheen

Given the legal troubles, abuse allegations and fatherly shortcomings, it’s fair to say Charlie Sheen has been a bad boy. Not you’d really have gleaned it from this three-part documentary which smirked its way at Sheen’s various bouts of self-destructive hedonism while failing to tell us anything we weren't already aware of. Rather, it felt as if this loose cannon was being pandered to, so any pity this series might evoke should be saved for the people who have had to suffer close contact with this charming but dismissive narcissist.

The Supercomputer Drama

Of course we knew it was preposterous from the outset: a thriller about a supercomputer known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either solve global crises – or annihilate all of humanity. We persevered out of pure love for its stars … but by the end, it felt like even they had given up trying. One barely reacted when his character died, and the other ultimately hacking Charlie with an axe … in painfully slow-motion. That's what you call giving up the ghost.

MobLand

Shady figures meeting in empty boxing gyms? The Prodigy’s Firestarter jackhammering away in club scenes? The late 90s called and demands its gangland drama back.

In truth, that is harsh on the gangland dramas of the late 90s. Many seem a bit dated now, but at least they didn’t endure the ignominy of having to accommodate baffling accents. But there were many other issues. Mainly that it was just profoundly boring; a dispute over drug-selling territory between various London rogues which seemed a bit basic.

With Love, Meghan

Considering the degree to which she grinds the gears of certain performatively enraged commentators, it’s almost tempting to applaud the Duchess of Sussex’s televised forays into quaint homemaking as deliberate provocations. But then you view them and are compelled to concede that actually, they may have a point. It’s like watching a homeware magazine animated; a poster for wine o’clock with ideas of grandeur; a procession of snoozing dogs, buzzing beehives, sentimental sayings and forgettable crafting “hacks” you’ll not remember instantly. All supported by immense, mostly unearned wealth. Ugh.

The Beckham Documentary

There are clearly interesting things to be said about both Victoria Beckham and her struggles with career, self-image, self-worth. But for some reason, this documentary series opted not to explore them. Instead, the viewing was like reading a marketing catalogue. She obviously has every right to bridle at what she describes as her “stern” image. But sadly, she failed to do herself any favours with this guarded letdown of a series.

The Inheritance

It should have been the next cultural phenomenon – except even more extravagant, with a famous star playing dead and a sharp-tongued personality overseeing her inheritance. What more could you ask for? As players battled it out, there was plenty of betrayal and squabbling. But the rules quickly became incomprehensible: it’s even now too confusing to detail what precisely was happening. Even more disappointingly, we only saw glimpses of the star via filmed videos. The show ended up reeking of a programme that was trying way too hard to emulate something far greater than it.

Too Much

How does one follow a show that captured a generation? The expectation was immense for this starry romantic comedy about Jessica, a hopeful New Yorker who lands in London with a broken heart. The star seized the opportunity by the horns and was a delight to watch, reveling in Jane Austen levels of romantic notions. But it was all very slick and, paradoxically, was insufficient. Plus, the sheer amount of celebrity friends involved felt uncomfortable.

The Sketch Show Return

Not even good enough to be ‘patchy’.

Given the shrewd inclusion of gifted emerging comics, expectations were high. But sadly, most of it fell flat. A particular sketch was a single joke milked to a husk but repeated in every episode. One star seemed too ready to slip into a familiar irate mode. The writing room sketches, in contrast, simply provoked the thought that they should probably have stayed in there a bit longer.

The Knox Dramatisation

This dramatisation of the story of Amanda Knox was overseen by Amanda Knox and pretty much exclusively showcased the viewpoint of Amanda Knox. So, while there undoubtedly is an compelling drama to be made about the tragic 2007 murder, this was not it. The subject matter needed to be treated sensitively. Instead, the series struggled painfully to find the right tone, lumbering from strangely jaunty, slightly mannered farce to inevitably, real-life horror. Complex? Arguably. A complete mess? Very much so.

Prime Target

We admire the star … but did we believe him playing the most brilliant maths genius in history, a man so intelligent he’s on the brink of a discovery that could ruin society? No! This international thriller about secret services targeting – and killing off – academics frankly got more absurd by the second. Silliness-by-numbers.

1000 Men and Me: The Bonnie Blue Story

This uncritical portrait followed the online personality renowned for explicit exploits as she prepared for her most extreme challenge yet. What on earth would motivate her? What we wanted was far greater examination of her actual psychology, plus those of the men in the line. They could at least have spoken to the legendary mum who showed up to drag her son out of the queue. What we got was horrific imagery and zero critical analysis of her infamy whatsoever. And to think, the filmmaker has a young daughter too.